In My Own Tribe?

I had a friend tell me once about this book about what happens when you leave your own tribe. Wish I knew the name of the book.
Basically your tribe is your family and people you grow up that are kind of always in your life. You share a system of beliefs with them and you share similar beliefs about each other and that is hard to give up when one person changes their values from the tribes. So when one person changes, the tribe will tend to try to pull you back. I am really experiencing this with my family. My family labeled me as youngest child who is a spoiled brat for years. Now, at age 49 having raised a child as a single mom, that label no longer applies, although my sister will try to drag me back into that with stories we have heard a bazillion times over and over about how I ripped her toy due to jealousy at age 7 blah blah blah. And I can sort of tolerate this, ignore it, or change the topic.
And of course, I spent all my life as the overweight child in a family of people with food issues and I never had a husband or boyfriend due to my weight issues and became a single mom. I mean, I was the family loser. Or one of them.
Then I broke out of that mold. I have a fiance who is the best of men. Honestly he is. I will never date again if something happend, I would not date again because NO ONE could measure up. And now I have lost weight.
And my mom and sister are panicking about this. I listen to this bs all the time, but after talking to both of them this weekend, I was just boiling. This sort of meltdown can cause me to gain. It has in the past.
It is always hard when your family is not on your side.
My mom acts supportive. She told my sister, who weighs 300 lbs, about my success with weight watchers and suggested she go too. Which I know she hates. So when I called her this weekend SHE brought it up first and then proceeded to tell me that she did join a few years ago and she had a med change and when the scale at ww meeting showed a quarter pound gain, the woman weighing her in said something about her not working very hard. So she quit. She was very rude to me about this and asked what I would have done. I said I would have reported her because I never experience this and they are trained to be positive no matter what. I know one thing I wouldn't have done. Quit. Because who is that hurting. I did not say this to her, but find it strange that this is her excuse to not go. Which I would not have suggested to her. I don't tell anyone what they SHOULD do. I just told her it worked for me and maybe the women there got clicquey. I don't know. She also did not want to hear about my vacation. She changed the subject to some vacation she might do with her girlfriend. Then she proceeded to tell me how she went out to a bar with a friend one night because a guy she used to date just bought it. But he wasn't there. As I remember it, she had sort of a bad experience with this guy. And it was like 30 years ago. My sister, who is the nicest person I know, obviously thinks she can go and re-establish a relationship with him at 300 pounds and with no teeth in her mouth. She does look really bad and my mom tells her this, but this whole denial thing with her is just huge. So she is going back to find him and am sure she will be very disappointed. But I would never tell her that. It is hard to talk to someone in that state of denial, about a thousand times worse than my coworker, because someone in denial is lying to themselves all the time and then they are lying to you. Plus she is NOT supportive or happy for me with my fiance. She is jealous.
I NEVER have been jealous of siblings. Ever. My oldest sister has three homes and one is practically a mansion in Palm Beach and I have NEVER been jealous of that. But my other sister is jealous of me. I went outside the bounds of her tribal beliefs. She can't accept this. But that is her problem.
Then my mom. She has some health issues and I have been totally supportive but she practically screams at me to not lose more weight. While on the other hand she tries to use my weight loss success against my sister. That is just out and out hateful. She has a huge problem with me getting thin and healthy. I told her I had a minor back strain so she told me I shouldn't do yoga. And I shouldn't do weights.
I wonder what she thinks I should be doing with my time? Things I HATE to do? Like sew and bake which are her hobbies? I am not sure. But usually whatever I am doing is bad. She told me that lifting weights is BAD. She actually used that word. She also made a remark about hoping nothing happens to split John and I up.
HUH? Like what. We live together and have been together since we met two and half years ago. I have a big engagement ring on my finger and he is taking me to Jamaica. Are there red flags she is seeing that I am not that this relationship is going to fail? Am I living in denial?
Again, she has the problem. One thing is she doesn't think I am good enough for him. Which is also ridiculous. I pull my weight in this relationship thank you very much Jean and mom and thanks for wishing me well on my vacation. I will send a postcard okay?
I always wish the best for my daughter and am ALWAYS happy and positive and supportive with her hopes and dreams.
I am NEVER jealous. How can a mom be jealous of her kid? That is a value from my tribe I never learned. I learned these things by learning to care for me first. Now that I don't loathe myself, it is easier to not be jealous, petty, and mean. And I hope my daughter has a happy life with the best of everything she can have.
Also neither of them thought my new yoga job was cool at all. Jealous bitches. I have to always ask about my sister's painting and always encourage her and compliment her.
Anyhoo....
I did not have a loss or gain this week. I stayed even. Which is ok. I am doing the slim in six six day express this week to take off a few pounds. One week from today I will be in Jamaica.