Happy Halloween

Yesterday I did not mean to put up a whiney blog, more of a warning. When I was obese and overweight I read blogs on people who were successful like crazy. I really thought the key to happiness is thinness. And it is in a way, but it does not solve problems. The problems are still there. You just have new coping mechanisms other than eating your way through them. Eating your way through a problem is a problem. And it solves nothing. It creates another problem, fat.
Changing this behavior is difficult because your impulse is to reach for x when y happens. Lately I have a lot of x things happening and am struggling to not engage in y behavior. Today is a difficult day for a lot of us battling with our food addictions. Work places everywhere are having their Halloween potlucks. Our copy room right now is full of cookies, brownies, chips, candy, and crocks full of cheesey gooey stuff.
The last few times I participated I literally ate myself silly. Work potlucks were an excuse to blow a diet I wasn’t really on. I would start the next day. So I would literally not stop eating all day and by the end of the day I felt so sick, that sometimes I would go home and get sick. At weight watcher meeting last Saturday they discussed the coming holiday season and everyone talked about ‘bringing a healthy dish to pass’, but I know this doesn’t work for me. There will be one or two fruit or veggie trays but my tendency will be to overindulge in something or pick up something I shouldn’t. So I had to quit participating. Today I am going to take a long lunch and do an elliptical session at the gym.
So don't look here for the key to happiness. I know it isn't in a cookie though. I have size 8 pants on today so would not even consider joining in the fun.
I have to say this is isolating me. For some reason it seems like no one likes me right now. I have no friends at work. I have one good friend who has been superweird about my weight loss and now she seems to be avoiding me. I was at teacher training yesterday and some of the people there were not being that friendly. I wonder what it is about my personality. Maybe I come on too strong? Know it all? I don't know, but I do feel isolated from a lot lately. My fiance hardly ever talks so he isn't exactly helpful. The kids are gone this week and he won't do anything all weekend but watch football. We might go to a movie. I love him, but he is boring as hell and my yoga workshop got frigging cancelled.
Next weekend I am having a chili party though with a few of our friends, including the woman who is passive aggressive about my weight loss. The thing is. She weighs about 105 lbs and never has had a weight issue. She keeps telling me not to lose more and not to buy more clothes and a lot of other crap I don't appreciate. So I do not have a 3d support system at all. Including my family. My mom is the worse.
Sigh.

BEING THIN DOES NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY

If anyone thinks the key to happiness is being thin, they are out of their mind. I am no longer fat, but still have a lot of problems.
I feel super lonely and have no friends. I have financial problems and am desperately working to get out of them and that is whole other struggle. My mom is on my case even more now that I am thin. My daughter treats me like a total piece of crap. My fiance has no personality and didn't say two words to me all weekend unless it was to talk about his kid.

Yup Building Muscle and Burning Fat

Thanks for the comments on body fat. I think you are absolutely right. I actually did a body fat test about six weeks ago and was at 21.6%. I am going to have it measured again in December.
I am still doing the P90X program but have changed up the cardio. The cardio dvds that come with this set honestly don’t elevate my heart rate that much. I think they actually contribute to my muscle growth. In order to curtail that somewhat, I am incorporating elliptical for three hours a week. The next couple of weeks should reflect the effect that has on weight. I did a killer lower body workout Sunday and was really sore Monday and Tuesday. I did yoga Monday and elliptical yesterday and it made my legs look really cut. Today I am doing elliptical and upper body weights tonight. I have a lot of yoga planned for the weekend since I did not get there today and tomorrow due to car issues.
I do love my fiancé to death. I have dated every type of total asswipe out there and if we broke up, I would never date again. Honestly. I think the problem is two fold and has to do with me. I am used to just dealing with my daughter and now that she lives away at college, I just don’t feel like dealing with kids in my face all the time. He has no choice in the matter, so I tend to distance myself. I have never lived with this many men and just don’t feel like watching a lot of football to get in the family time. Plus their movie interests are waayyyy different from mine. On Friday nights for instance, they tend to sit around and watch Star Wars or hero/adventure movies, so I just cart my ass off to yoga to get away from it. So maybe I am being selfish. I don’t know. Fiance is totally supporting and loving and lets me do what I want. I guess I would like to be with more of a soul mate type of man that will go to yoga with me like other couples do but he is just not that into it. He likes to watch hours of football every weekend and I can’t do that.
I guess it is what it is, but I do love him to death and couldn’t live without him. Well, that is not true. If I were to live without him I would live without any man. I could do without men. No doubt about it.

Can't Believe It Has Been So Long

Wow. I am still doing P90x. Not losing weight, but am losing inches. It seems like my weight should budge a little, but I seem stuck and it is driving me crazy.
I lost pretty consistently until I hit goal. I am now four pounds below but feel there is definitely extra fat to lose. I am working out super hard too.
Feel kind of out of it though. I don't have a real good support system and feel isolated even though I am the one isolating myself from family and fiance. We are just not on the same page as far as goals or mutual interests right now. He is focused on kids and I am focused on self-improvement. He seems happiest around the kids and I have disengaged myself. My kid isn't in my face every day so just don't feel like being around his either. I know that is selfish, but that is the way it is. Luckily he doesn't complain or seem to mind.
Last Saturday for instance he went to the youngest kids last cross country meet of the year. It was cold out and I hate being outside. I ran around, shopped, went to two yoga classes, and kind of felt bad. He always tries to come with me for something to do with my daughter but I just didn't make the effort. He goes to church alone on Sunday while I go to yoga. I feel very selfish but in order to reach my goals. I could ride around with him and sit on the couch entertaining kids but I would get fat if I did that.
Oh well. I am what I am.