Well, I did it. I made goal last week with a 1.4 pound loss. No fanfare or parades involved, just a new phase in my journey for the perfect body.
My new goals in life and this journal are non weight loss intended. I do think I will lose more weight, but I am upping the calories, cleaning out my food even more, and increasing the intensity of my workouts. I am more motivated now than ever since I now know I can achieve my goals with hard work. I used to think being in a normal weight range was just not in the cards for me. I accepted my life as a fat person even when I was making my half hearted attempts to lose weight.
The biggest part of this is mental. You have to convince yourself of what you are capable of. Because you will and people around you will find every excuse in the world why it can’t be done. I am sure my mother will be sending this message to me loud and clear at the family reunion. Don’t go any further! Don’t try to be any better than you are right now. Hold yourself back like I always did.
Mediocrity is no longer good enough for me.
I want to change other things about my life besides my weight. I want a new career. What will that be? I am not sure yet. But I am formulating it.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Friday, July 21, 2006
DETERMINATION ENOUGH?
Not always. As fiercely as I stated I would get to goal this week, the scale remains stuck. Df is taking me out to dinner to celebrate tomorrow night but tomorrow probably ain't it. (I would rather have new jeans. This was his idea.)
Partly I have had a stressful week. Maybe the stress is what is holding my body back. The people at work are on my nerves with the constant chatter. Df unloaded his work problems to me last night and dd claims she has brain cancer and yeast. I am on overload. Plus dfs older kid not having a job and sitting around the house all summer watching tv is working my very last nerve.
So I am thinking tomorrow ain't it.
Partly I have had a stressful week. Maybe the stress is what is holding my body back. The people at work are on my nerves with the constant chatter. Df unloaded his work problems to me last night and dd claims she has brain cancer and yeast. I am on overload. Plus dfs older kid not having a job and sitting around the house all summer watching tv is working my very last nerve.
So I am thinking tomorrow ain't it.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Not Quite
That is right. .8 from goal. This is the week though. I will not accept defeat. This is it.
Over the months I have added up the steps to successful weight loss. I have to admit, in the beginning I was not sure of myself. I am much surer now. But I will be going in maintenance mode soon. Maintenance with the intention of losing however. I haven’t posted much in the past few weeks because of my hand for one reason and also because I have been afraid for another. I am afraid of jinxing myself. I am not sure why I feel this way, but it is what it is.
In four weeks I will be going to a huge family reunion with all my cousins, nieces, nephews, etc. I am guessing my weight loss will be a major topic there. Actually I think my mom will freak out a little. And when she freaks out, she tends to say very mean things. My mom is one of those jealous of her kids type of parents. I know she does not realize this, but she is. Well, she is with three of us, the other two she liked to see soar but for three of us, and one of them is a sister who is deceased, she likes to hold down. My brother, the soarer, is also deceased. So my weight loss will freak her out because it will remind her she has never really let herself be the best she could have been. And I understand that. I am the opposite. I want my daughter to soar over it all, but she has a big weight problem. So yes weight problems and issues are prevalent in our family. The thin people married in. I am anticipating this reunion because I am happy I am not dreading going in fatter or still fat, but I know I will meet a lot of negativity and resistance. It is what it is. That is one weight related issue that is freaking me out at or close to goal.
The other is my dear fiancé. I have had to force him to be supportive during this process. Not that he is unsupportive but he does not understand what this means to me because he is thin and always has been and has no food/emotional issues. He doesn’t get it. So it doesn’t mean anything to him and he would not understand that this is more important to me than our pending marriage. It just is. Because it is about me. It is what I have accomplished. Not that the marriage or relationship isn’t important. It is and I love him very much. I wish I could say he is my soul mate, but that isn’t the case. We have a strong relationship but I am alone in my own quest for a better me and a cleaner nicer house and environment. The things that are important to me are not important to him. I am not sure what is important to him other than the tv and his kids. His Harley? Maybe. It is the only thing he seems to cherish. I value myself above all. Even my daughter. My daughter is on her own journey now in life. She needs me but I can be myself. All in all, I am happy with the situation, other than the dirty messy house. I am not crazy about the fact that his 20 year old son is not working presently and sits around the house watching tv 24/7 and there is NO discussion about him ever moving on. My daughter, who has issues, is moving on. She probably won’t live at home after this summer. She is ready for that and so am I. Seems like we will have kids around forever. Sigh. I don’t like kids.
Anyway, I have been thinking about the weight loss equation. Why these months have successfully added up to a successful weight loss of 52 pounds. I am .8 from goal and will probably go below that. The reason I am not setting my goal lower is that I think that is a mistake. I have seen people do that on Ediets. They aren’t acknowledging their initial goal because they are not 100% satisfied with the result. But that isn’t the point. The point is achieving a goal so you can go to the next one. After I formally reach that goal, I will be writing about the next goal. I am already formulating it. It is going to be specific, but the reason I need to see this next .8 as reaching goal is that this is the number I have set as a goal for almost a year now. I am close to achieving it and my further weight loss and fitness ventures will no longer be as an overweight person trying to be a normal weight person. I will no longer officially be overweight. I will be a healthy weight and my next goal will illiminate the element of being fat and overweight. HUGE DIFFERENCE IN YOUR MENTAL MINDSET. Here are the steps that got me here:1. Making a decision. I wrote a post about this, but it is important. Last year at the end of August I decided I no longer wanted to be overweight. I was a yo yo dieter at the upside of a yo. I knew I had backtracked. I knew I had been in scale denial. I knew I was eating too much. I knew my clothes did not fit. I knew I looked like a piece of crap because I felt like one. But I realized I did not to be like this one day longer. I knew it would take a long time. I knew it wouldn’t happen overnight. But, I made a decision. I decided to step on the scale and face whatever the number was and that I wanted to lose whatever I needed to get to a healthy weight and I did not care how long it took, or how much work, or who would get in my way, including myself, as long as the scale went down from there. And I decided I would do whatever was necessary to achieve that goal.
Get rid of denial. This was a process. I could not deny my weight, my jean size, that I was fat, that I was out of shape, that I was thinner than so and so, that I really was not in that good of shape, that I had emotional issues. I had to get rid of the denial. I had to face what I had become and deal with it.
Deal with the emotional aspects. I had to realize I eat for emotional reasons. I had to figure out what triggered my eating and what foods I would eat. I had to devise different ways of dealing with problems so that when all hell broke loose, which it does, that I would deal with it in an appropriate way and not with food. I had to realize I would have to work on this the rest of my lie.
Get rid of the excuses. You know what they are. I hate exercise. I can’t drink water. I can ‘t give up sweets. I hate vegetables. I don’t have time to cook special meals. I am too busy to exercise. I have health issues and everyone in my family is fat too. Counting calories doesn’t work.
I had to change the way I ate. Food is 90% of the equation. My coworker joined a gym in January. She believe she would lose weight by doing this. She got a trainer. She does not weight herself. She eats every donut and piece of cake that goes through here. It is July 19th and she has lost exactly NOTHING. I assume, but don’t know because she never weighs herself and doesn’t talk about losing weight. She thinks she is losing She is in denial (See number 2). I have been there. I was a fit fat person at one time. I exercised like a maniac an still ate like one. I ate a lot of healthy food, which just made me fatter. Weight watchers has been my vehicle, but it does not matter what you do once you make the decision. Food is important. I eat the best healthiest superfoods. I eat a balanced diet. I don’t eliminate food groups. My eating has gotten progressively cleaner. Do I still eat desserts? Yup. But NOT as an emotional treat. They are planned into my menu. I only eliminated trigger foods that I negotiate and overeat EVERY time I start. They are wheat thins, fritos, and now pretzels. Pretzels recently became a trigger food. They are not in my house. Occasionaly I eat Fritos, but NOT at home. Ever. I eat lots of fruits and veggies, healthy grains, lean proteins, dairy and no white flour or processed foods.
I drink water. About two gallons a day.
Exercise. You can lose weight with just diet, but your body won’t become fit. I see people like at weight watchers. Women at goal with yucky shaped bodies. I am very fit. I did Bikram yoga for most of my exercise from September through March. Then I added about four hours a week of cardio. I recently added back weights. Was going to start that earlier but broke my hand. I am fit. I look fit and firm. It has helped me retain the elasticity in my skin. I love to exercise because it makes me feel good.
You have to plan and make the last three items a priority over everything else. You have to make backup plans for the plans that fail and backup plans for that.
Find support. I have it online and in the real world. Do not expect your family to support and help you. They won’t. Most of the time. They will be intimidated by you. Some will make fun of you and try to make you feel like an idiot. And those people are probably fat.
Change your program when it isn’t working. You will have to change your food and exercise during this journey. No doubt. If something isn’t working, you have to change it. You have to try new things.
Maintenance-I am almost there and will have a lot to say about this.
Over the months I have added up the steps to successful weight loss. I have to admit, in the beginning I was not sure of myself. I am much surer now. But I will be going in maintenance mode soon. Maintenance with the intention of losing however. I haven’t posted much in the past few weeks because of my hand for one reason and also because I have been afraid for another. I am afraid of jinxing myself. I am not sure why I feel this way, but it is what it is.
In four weeks I will be going to a huge family reunion with all my cousins, nieces, nephews, etc. I am guessing my weight loss will be a major topic there. Actually I think my mom will freak out a little. And when she freaks out, she tends to say very mean things. My mom is one of those jealous of her kids type of parents. I know she does not realize this, but she is. Well, she is with three of us, the other two she liked to see soar but for three of us, and one of them is a sister who is deceased, she likes to hold down. My brother, the soarer, is also deceased. So my weight loss will freak her out because it will remind her she has never really let herself be the best she could have been. And I understand that. I am the opposite. I want my daughter to soar over it all, but she has a big weight problem. So yes weight problems and issues are prevalent in our family. The thin people married in. I am anticipating this reunion because I am happy I am not dreading going in fatter or still fat, but I know I will meet a lot of negativity and resistance. It is what it is. That is one weight related issue that is freaking me out at or close to goal.
The other is my dear fiancé. I have had to force him to be supportive during this process. Not that he is unsupportive but he does not understand what this means to me because he is thin and always has been and has no food/emotional issues. He doesn’t get it. So it doesn’t mean anything to him and he would not understand that this is more important to me than our pending marriage. It just is. Because it is about me. It is what I have accomplished. Not that the marriage or relationship isn’t important. It is and I love him very much. I wish I could say he is my soul mate, but that isn’t the case. We have a strong relationship but I am alone in my own quest for a better me and a cleaner nicer house and environment. The things that are important to me are not important to him. I am not sure what is important to him other than the tv and his kids. His Harley? Maybe. It is the only thing he seems to cherish. I value myself above all. Even my daughter. My daughter is on her own journey now in life. She needs me but I can be myself. All in all, I am happy with the situation, other than the dirty messy house. I am not crazy about the fact that his 20 year old son is not working presently and sits around the house watching tv 24/7 and there is NO discussion about him ever moving on. My daughter, who has issues, is moving on. She probably won’t live at home after this summer. She is ready for that and so am I. Seems like we will have kids around forever. Sigh. I don’t like kids.
Anyway, I have been thinking about the weight loss equation. Why these months have successfully added up to a successful weight loss of 52 pounds. I am .8 from goal and will probably go below that. The reason I am not setting my goal lower is that I think that is a mistake. I have seen people do that on Ediets. They aren’t acknowledging their initial goal because they are not 100% satisfied with the result. But that isn’t the point. The point is achieving a goal so you can go to the next one. After I formally reach that goal, I will be writing about the next goal. I am already formulating it. It is going to be specific, but the reason I need to see this next .8 as reaching goal is that this is the number I have set as a goal for almost a year now. I am close to achieving it and my further weight loss and fitness ventures will no longer be as an overweight person trying to be a normal weight person. I will no longer officially be overweight. I will be a healthy weight and my next goal will illiminate the element of being fat and overweight. HUGE DIFFERENCE IN YOUR MENTAL MINDSET. Here are the steps that got me here:1. Making a decision. I wrote a post about this, but it is important. Last year at the end of August I decided I no longer wanted to be overweight. I was a yo yo dieter at the upside of a yo. I knew I had backtracked. I knew I had been in scale denial. I knew I was eating too much. I knew my clothes did not fit. I knew I looked like a piece of crap because I felt like one. But I realized I did not to be like this one day longer. I knew it would take a long time. I knew it wouldn’t happen overnight. But, I made a decision. I decided to step on the scale and face whatever the number was and that I wanted to lose whatever I needed to get to a healthy weight and I did not care how long it took, or how much work, or who would get in my way, including myself, as long as the scale went down from there. And I decided I would do whatever was necessary to achieve that goal.
Get rid of denial. This was a process. I could not deny my weight, my jean size, that I was fat, that I was out of shape, that I was thinner than so and so, that I really was not in that good of shape, that I had emotional issues. I had to get rid of the denial. I had to face what I had become and deal with it.
Deal with the emotional aspects. I had to realize I eat for emotional reasons. I had to figure out what triggered my eating and what foods I would eat. I had to devise different ways of dealing with problems so that when all hell broke loose, which it does, that I would deal with it in an appropriate way and not with food. I had to realize I would have to work on this the rest of my lie.
Get rid of the excuses. You know what they are. I hate exercise. I can’t drink water. I can ‘t give up sweets. I hate vegetables. I don’t have time to cook special meals. I am too busy to exercise. I have health issues and everyone in my family is fat too. Counting calories doesn’t work.
I had to change the way I ate. Food is 90% of the equation. My coworker joined a gym in January. She believe she would lose weight by doing this. She got a trainer. She does not weight herself. She eats every donut and piece of cake that goes through here. It is July 19th and she has lost exactly NOTHING. I assume, but don’t know because she never weighs herself and doesn’t talk about losing weight. She thinks she is losing She is in denial (See number 2). I have been there. I was a fit fat person at one time. I exercised like a maniac an still ate like one. I ate a lot of healthy food, which just made me fatter. Weight watchers has been my vehicle, but it does not matter what you do once you make the decision. Food is important. I eat the best healthiest superfoods. I eat a balanced diet. I don’t eliminate food groups. My eating has gotten progressively cleaner. Do I still eat desserts? Yup. But NOT as an emotional treat. They are planned into my menu. I only eliminated trigger foods that I negotiate and overeat EVERY time I start. They are wheat thins, fritos, and now pretzels. Pretzels recently became a trigger food. They are not in my house. Occasionaly I eat Fritos, but NOT at home. Ever. I eat lots of fruits and veggies, healthy grains, lean proteins, dairy and no white flour or processed foods.
I drink water. About two gallons a day.
Exercise. You can lose weight with just diet, but your body won’t become fit. I see people like at weight watchers. Women at goal with yucky shaped bodies. I am very fit. I did Bikram yoga for most of my exercise from September through March. Then I added about four hours a week of cardio. I recently added back weights. Was going to start that earlier but broke my hand. I am fit. I look fit and firm. It has helped me retain the elasticity in my skin. I love to exercise because it makes me feel good.
You have to plan and make the last three items a priority over everything else. You have to make backup plans for the plans that fail and backup plans for that.
Find support. I have it online and in the real world. Do not expect your family to support and help you. They won’t. Most of the time. They will be intimidated by you. Some will make fun of you and try to make you feel like an idiot. And those people are probably fat.
Change your program when it isn’t working. You will have to change your food and exercise during this journey. No doubt. If something isn’t working, you have to change it. You have to try new things.
Maintenance-I am almost there and will have a lot to say about this.
Monday, July 10, 2006
1 POUND LEFT
Yes, I am one pound from goal. I will not be where I want to be but I will be in a healthy weight range for the first time in at least 20 years. I have spent most of my life being overweight. Now, I no longer am.
But I haven’t achieved what I really need, which is to have the best body for me. There is still fat on my body I need to be rid of. And although I am in good shape, I want to be better.
After I reach goal, hopefully this week, I will go into maintenance mode. Which means adding food, but I am going to change and refine my diet. It will only get better and I will keep working out harder than ever.
Thanks to anonymous for the comment on my daughter. You are right, making too much food is not a good idea. One reason I do it is to have leftovers during the week so I do not have to cook all the time. I think I will start making less.
But I haven’t achieved what I really need, which is to have the best body for me. There is still fat on my body I need to be rid of. And although I am in good shape, I want to be better.
After I reach goal, hopefully this week, I will go into maintenance mode. Which means adding food, but I am going to change and refine my diet. It will only get better and I will keep working out harder than ever.
Thanks to anonymous for the comment on my daughter. You are right, making too much food is not a good idea. One reason I do it is to have leftovers during the week so I do not have to cook all the time. I think I will start making less.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
3 MORE POUNDS
That's right. I am about three pounds from goal.
I haven't been logging for a couple of weeks due to the problem with my hand. The good news is that the bone is almost healed, but I sprained one of the other fingers falling on it in yoga. Calamity Joan here.
I am also busy with my daughter being home from college. It isn't starting to wear on me. She has huge weight issue and has gained a lot of weight. She has always had weight issues. When she played basketball she was heavy and ate a lot, but she was somewhat in shape. Now that she is not active, she has gotten flabby and soft and still eats enormous amounts of food. I have seen very few people who can eat what she does. I offered to help her this summer and have spent a lot of time making healthy meals. But she still eats too much. Last night she ate about seven pieces of chicken for dinner. I am somewhat alarmed about all of this. There is just nothing I can do. Plus, my grocery bill is enormous buying food to fill up Jethro. Also she told my mom that I am TOO FOCUSED ON WEIGHT LOSS AND EXERCISE! So she is obviously very intimidated by my weight loss. I feel like giving up because I firmly believe a person has to make the decision themselves to change and she just hasn't done that. DF has been finding Burger King bags in the garbage too, her favorite fast food, so I know she is eating tons of food. Almost every day she is asking me if she looks better. For all I know, I am putting this extra work in and she could be gaining. Obviously she has issues. Not sure what to do.
I have escalated my workouts and continued to eat better because I am so close to goal. I will still lose after I reach the weight watcher goal, but I will eat more food. I have a new food plan figured out. I am hoping I reach this goal sometime this month.
I haven't been logging for a couple of weeks due to the problem with my hand. The good news is that the bone is almost healed, but I sprained one of the other fingers falling on it in yoga. Calamity Joan here.
I am also busy with my daughter being home from college. It isn't starting to wear on me. She has huge weight issue and has gained a lot of weight. She has always had weight issues. When she played basketball she was heavy and ate a lot, but she was somewhat in shape. Now that she is not active, she has gotten flabby and soft and still eats enormous amounts of food. I have seen very few people who can eat what she does. I offered to help her this summer and have spent a lot of time making healthy meals. But she still eats too much. Last night she ate about seven pieces of chicken for dinner. I am somewhat alarmed about all of this. There is just nothing I can do. Plus, my grocery bill is enormous buying food to fill up Jethro. Also she told my mom that I am TOO FOCUSED ON WEIGHT LOSS AND EXERCISE! So she is obviously very intimidated by my weight loss. I feel like giving up because I firmly believe a person has to make the decision themselves to change and she just hasn't done that. DF has been finding Burger King bags in the garbage too, her favorite fast food, so I know she is eating tons of food. Almost every day she is asking me if she looks better. For all I know, I am putting this extra work in and she could be gaining. Obviously she has issues. Not sure what to do.
I have escalated my workouts and continued to eat better because I am so close to goal. I will still lose after I reach the weight watcher goal, but I will eat more food. I have a new food plan figured out. I am hoping I reach this goal sometime this month.
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