Great feedback from my hoards of readers.
One good thing I have done since I reached my goal last summer was to basically maintain and from a 50-60 pound loss, the odds were against me. Think about it. The odds are well against someone reaching goal, but the odds against keeping it in the first year are way way way lower. I have yo yoed my whole life. I have achieved goal many times or come close or not even close and every time, I have gained back the weight plus.
Since this time was DIFFERENT, I had to examine why. One reason was scale denial. I have literally gone ten years in my life without weighing myself. No lie. And I have no clue what my highest weight was at the top. Maybe 280? I have seen pictures of me at my highest weight and that is a definite possibility. Do you want to hear something REALLY hilarious. When I was at that weight I insisted to other people that I was not really that heavy. I worked out after all and carried a lot of muscle, which I still do. That was a pretty bad state of denial when you have to start convincing the world to get in there with you and believe your bs. So in order to stay at goal, I have to use the scale as a measure. So any gain, totally freaks me out. I can think of every excuse to not weigh in and every week I do. I try to talk myself out of it and I panic over it. And I make myself do it. Most of the time.
Yeah the weight training and HIIT cardio is essential, because I to have logged in hours on the elliptical and hours of yoga while I lost the weight. But I do not have the body I want. I have gone through over half the afterburn program and the weight gain freaks me out. I don’t want to get in the denial that I am really doing well. I really have to have that scale down before I get back to it. So think of this as a hiatus. I am freaked out and I have to have some control. I have to figure this food thing out and I have to burn out a little fat over the next two weeks and then I will figure out what to do.
But you are all right. Absolutely. I do need to write to Skwigg and I know EXACTLY what she will say. But I need to get this food under control or nothing will work. I will get fit/fat again.
The only other thing I know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that I NEVER WANT TO BE FAT AGAIN. Not ever ever ever. The few pounds I have extra now is really blowing my self-esteem and causing a lot of self doubt about everything in my life. It is absolutely debilitating.
Thanks for the support.
2 comments:
P.S.; Do you ever read causticmuse.com? She had done BFL and lots of other programs with amazing results. I like to read her blog because she will set a goal, and has no problem gaining weight/muscle/bulking and then cutting down for a chiseled look. Right now she's cutting fat, but it's not going real fast, and it doesn't bother her a bit; it really helps my headcase panic moments lol...
If it makes you feel any better, I have not hit goal weight EVER. It appears to be as far off as meeting my dream man Andy Garcia. I try soooo hard to believe I can be 55kgs, but seriously, it has been so many, many years.. I wonder if it is even possible, and what my body would look like when I get there. I have gained .5 of a kilo this week, and been working hard. Not perfect, but I have been trying!! Surely if we keep trying we will get somewhere right?? By the way, you are sarcastic!!!! lol... so am I.. we are going to get along fine!!
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