Finally talked myself off the fence I think. It took a lot of introspection and thought and being honest with myself. I knew eating was the problem so I spent some time reflecting, reading, looking back at what worked and it all comes down to food. I am going to taper off on the double workout days and go back to the fitness and weights and cardio because I was feeling so fit and now don't feel as fit as I did. Also I have decided to weigh in daily even if it drives me nuts, which it does, but otherwise I will lose my accountability.
I also have to rid myself of the binge eating. I have been binging on the weekends which is hard to undo. I binge on Saturdays and then diet for six days to take it off. It is the 'free day' mentality. Plus the fact if I start on one 'treat' food on Saturday invariably I move on to another since I have 'blown' it and I am going to clean it up the next day anyways. This mentality is just not working for me. I need to eat clean with occasional cheat meals. Maybe one or two a week within my calorie range.
Geez it is so hard to be so honest with yourself. Lying and being in denial is so much more fun.
I visited my 90 year old mother this weekend. She is having some memory problems and health issues and I think this is the first time I visited her without fighting. She gave me a compliment and warned me she doesn't give those out very often. (So nice to be SO supportive mom and I am SO glad you felt the need to do this.) She called me capable. That isn't bad for her. I prefer skinny and don't look my age. Anyway it was nice of her to bestow her approval I don't need any more after 50 years but I think she is right. The reason I am capable now is because I got my life in order with food and nutrition and just about everything else, including that wonderful fiance of mine.
I can't afford to blow all of that.
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