FAMILY REUNION

It is approaching and I am trying to anticipate what it will be like with my weight loss and then my lovely daughter throws a new wrench into the situation. Like, she isn't going. Well, she is practically not going. She is using the work excuse but I think there is more to that and I think part of the reason she doesn't want to go is that she is heavier, way heavier than she used to be and the reason I think that is that....

I used to do the same thing. In my family it is kind of damned if you do damned if you don't. Some of them will persecute me for showing up thin, but showing up heavier is a disaster and someone will bring it up to me that she is heavier and that person would be.......

My mom. Who last summer pointed out to be that I had a roll around my waist and two months ago screamed at me to not lose any more weight. She is also upset about my lovely daughter not showing up, because she is her favorite grandchild.

Also my daughter, who has been nothing but a huge financial drain on me and caused me a lot of financial problems, me a poor single mom and now she wants me to cosign a loan for her to get a car. Which basically means to me that I will end up, at some point, having to pay money for it, which I am not willing to do due to the fact that her college right now is costing me so much. Her rationale is that she will pay for it all by working 25-30 hours a week, which I doubt will cover her expenses. She is also a shoe addict and a nail salon addict and I have not seen her lessening these activities over the summer.

She is causing me so much emotional strife now I can hardly bear her, plus the family thing coming up. I am kind of at my wit's end. Plus fiance's boys are back today which means, no doubt about this, that I will be coming home to a messy house tonight.

I have two alternatives. One is to eat my brains out and the other is to run away from home, from all of them. I love my fiance to death. I know the situation will be better for me next week when daughter is back at college because she won't be in my face about something all the time. The weird family reunion will be over, but I still have to put up with his kids and somehow that just seems unfair right now. I know I am not really justified in feeling that way because obviously he can't get rid of his kids to please me but last winter was difficult. I could hardly stand to be home because to be honest, after a day of work and stress from that bs, I hardly want to go home and hang with the boys. So I spent a lot of winter on my home.

What I need are new coping mechanisms because eating my brains out is no longer an option like it used to be. It seems like all I have right now to feel good about is my weight loss and the new goals I have associated with getting the perfect body I want and to be a personal trainer and yoga instructor. I hate my career. My kid drives me nuts. My friends are always whining. I love fiance, but his kids distract him from me a lot.

So new coping mechanisms are it. What other choice do I have. I feel the best thing I can do is to continue on working on the things that will make my life better. For the first time in my life I have a weight loss that I feel I can maintain. That is huge, after 50 years of being fat and yo yo dieting. I can lose more. I can be more than this.

I have choices.