NO LONGER JUST ABOUT THE WEIGHT LOSS

Something scarey is happening to me. I KNEW this would happen but I tried to avert. In spite of my intention of hoping yoga would not take me down the road of giving up my career for bliss but the eventual poverty of a life committed to yogadom and a better me, it is overcoming me and taking me down and the seed is planted. And it will grow. Growing it is doing.

I can’t stray from my path and I have found my path. I became an accountant and CPA to have financial security while raising a child as a single mom. It did that for me, but now it is damaging my soul. My workplace and the people in it are toxic. I have gone through a lot here at work and the people here have tried to diminish me so that my work place is poisonous. The people here are vile and empty. Although I approach them with all the compassion and understanding I possibly can.

I just see this is the wrong place for me. It is a means to an end and now I am open to the journey changing and the inevitability that I will walk away from the safety and security that people THINK this gives them. It doesn’t really though. I am so subject here to the whims of those above me and how they choose to view all of this. As hard as I have tried to work hard and fit it, it just does not work for me. It is not working for me.

I often wonder how this will play in my relationship. Which is also wonderful and safe, but there seems to be a distance between us and although I have tried to bring it together and work at it, the differences we have may eventually make us go our separate ways. Although I really hope not. I just don’t know what John wants for himself. I ask. But he doesn’t say.

I like my journey though. I can only work on what I am doing. My daughter seems to want me to do it all for her, but I can’t do that either. She seems to want to go back to being dependent and the way it was when it was just us two. I loved that too, but she is 20. She needs to move on and have a life.

I don’t know why people think education is always the answer. It is worthwhile in itself, but I have a lot of degrees and I make decent money. If I was unskilled labor I would be wishing I had what I have now, but I experienced it. It isn’t what it is cracked up to be. I had an old friend tell ME this the other day about my daughter, who now works full time and does college part time. People seem to think this is BAD. She informed me that J finishing her degree is important. To me, who has three degrees and she doesn’t have one herself. Uh. WTF? Okay. Her severely dyslexic son is starting his first year in college this year and the chance of him not completing a degree in four or five years is extremely high. My daughter, who works in a bank was SHOCKED that someone who just graduated from her school with a business degree is starting out at the same bank making just a little more than her. I am not shocked, plus the kid is probably 50-60 thou in debt. College education has become a business. Like health care. I digress.

I am going to full on yoga teacher training this fall. I am following my own path and not judging others. Trying not to anyways.