Uh yeah that pic is misleading. That is NOT me. I actually do that pose better with an older slightly flabbier body. I will have to post a new picture soon.
I really shouldn’t gripe about my body that much. It isn’t that bad. I really just need a giant swift kick in the butt and the only person who can do that is me. Well today, while looking for a pic to post, I ran across some before pics from 2004 and 2005 with me in bikini in both. Can’t believe my fiancé took those pics and still wanted to marry me. The pics were about 50-60 or more pounds ago. Frightening. I actually thought or convinced myself I didn’t look that bad but I was flabby as hell. My stomach which makes me ill now looks like a bowl of jello. Just horrible. It is enough to whip my butt into shape. It is all about the food and I know what I need to do.
I remember when it all changed almost two years ago this coming August. The day I decided I could not be fat one more day and no matter how long it took, I was not going to go backwards, only down the scale. I made a decision that day and stuck with it. Through thick and thin. I have no concept of what I really look like. I picked up a size 8 skirt at Ann Taylor yesterday and decided to take it home and try it on and if it didn’t fit, I would go back and pick up a bigger size.
Only it fit. But I worry I will wake up one day and be a size 12. I know I have improved my physique but the other day in yoga this woman about my age who is an amazing yogini and has an amazing body wore shorts. She always wears pants. But she looked so amazing and had gorgeous legs. She should NEVER wear pants. Not with those legs. Anyway though I mentally compete with her in yoga. Yeah, I know a big no no. I also held her up as a image of what I would like to look like. But see this woman has probably never been overweight. I struggle with loose skin on parts of my body. It gets better but if I had never been so fat, my skin would be a lot smoother and there would not be this skin hanging from my abs. I will work at it because I don’t have 7000 to get my tummy tucked!
Anyway just looking around at women my age in general is pretty sad. Plus there are a lot of young people who are flabby. And children. Society is sad these days. There is so much bad food out there. But the fact of the matter is I can not eat and drink what I want and wear a size 8. I will bloat up to the size I was in those pics quickly. They were truly sickening. I really despised myself.
Being a fat person is hard. Getting through a day with that issue is a million times harder than exercising and weighing food and packing food and prepping food. I wouldn’t trade a day now for one of those days for any reason. It was horrible. I hated myself. I was not a happy fat person. Maybe there are happy fat people but I was not one of them.
1 comment:
No, no, it's not misleading, I was just curious, though. I'm pretty sure you do look great and don't give yourself credit...we women all seem to do that...On a personal note, I found that my worries about re-gaining the weight began to diminish when I stopped being so harsh with that 'former fat' girl that was me...yeah, she did some sloth-like stuff, but she was sad and didn't know better, then she took charge and changed things. Just remember, you took charge...
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