Commenting on Comments

"I got to the point that I expected the scales to show that same big number all the time. Now after losing pounds over the summer I still expect that and often can not believe what I see on the scales."

Anonymous posted this after my last post. Right now I am struggling with this same thing, because as a yo yo dieter I am extra vigilant now about red flags that could mean potential weight gain and I think this is a big one. Why?
Because it shows mentally we have not caught up with ourselves. No matter what the number on the scale is saying, or the jean size, or the compliments from others, or what we are seeing in the mirror, the mind has not caught up with the body so we are still discontent with ourselves. This is the same discontent we feel when we are grossly overweight. It is the reason we started losing but it is also the reason we might tend to gain back. The reason for this is that we start letting our brain take over to the degree where we might start getting back to old habits because let's face it. Is it ever good enough? What is the point of endless dieting if we can't be whatever goal we have in mind, even if it isn't realistic?
And I am beginning to realize I will always feel this way. I have had two people call me skinny this week and I recoiled at that word applied to me. Because I have NEVER been referred to as skinny. I have spent a whole life training myself to accept I can not be THAT WORD. I have spent 50 years staring down women with thin legs, firm abs, and nice arms thinking that is all I can do, is be jealous of that. On the outside looking in.
And that is dangerous for me right now because that kind of hopeless might as well give up thinking as put me on the gaining end of yo yoing my whole life. What can I do different?
Start relishing the number on the scale. I ordered a bunch of new clothes in the mail in sizes I never believed I would wear this week and every one of them fit. My new expensive designer jeans I bought a month ago are now getting loose. I put them on this morning after washing and drying them. In a couple of months, they will be too big.
I need to accept this and relish it.
On Monday I am starting a new journey. The P90X program and I will be documenting a lot of it here. So stay tuned to the next phase.