Why It Is Different

This time.
Because I am willing to take as long as I want to and do whatever to get what I want. I want a perfect body. I want a celeb bod. I can have that. I never thought I could have it, but I can.
One of my yoga teachers has the tightest body I have ever seen. She is a very advanced practitioner. She is small but hard. And shapely. I will have what she is having.
Was thinking about my mom today and why she makes me want to eat. She still has me typed in a way that is suitable for her. She practically screeched at me last week to not lose more weight. Because it is not comfortable for her. It isn't comfortable for her that I have a great guy. She has me typed as her desperate for a man fat loser daughter. When I stepped out of that box, she panicked. She still wants me in that box because then she can play the poor martyr with the two fat loser daughters. I won't let her do that to me any more like my sister does. She reminds me in her own way from time to time how desperate I was to get a man etc. I don't think I really was. But she is trying to let me know I don't really deserve this and it may go away. She probably secretly thinks it will go away. Maybe I am in denial about what I am? I guess that is a mother's job. To not let you get in denial. Not let you let go of what you don't like about yourself. It is like her job is to drag the old me out and hold it front of me and the world like see, THIS is what you really are.