Owning It

The only true way to get over something is to own it. The only way to be successful is to identify and accept and acknowledge what is holding you back. That is why weight loss will be different for me this time. That is how I got to this point period.
I had big problems with my daughter in high school. During the two year hell she put me through I constantly evaluated what my own part was in this. While I knew her problems were brought on by her abusive relationship, there were still other issues. Issues she had with me. I wanted to be in denial about my part in it, but I couldn't do that. I had to know. I felt my part in this had been spoiling and indulging her for years. She thought everything she did was ok no matter what and I would fix it. Doing all her dirty work for her enabled her to continue to ruin her life and mine. She knew it would ultimately be fixed. The important part in me proceeding forward from the devastation she caused was to acknowledge my part. Everyone else wanted to look elsewhere, drugs, alcohol, friends or whatever. Those were all factors, but I had a hand in this.
My own fiance is not able to this with his own kid yet. His child was recently wrongly diagnosed with ADD. He doesn't have it. He is never disciplined and is babied. He is allowed to do what he wants when he wants. Neither parent has any expectations of him or gives him any responsibility so he doesn't take this on himself since he is just a kid. This year he has decided, in 8th grade, that homework is hard and he can't focus on it, so they hauled him off to some quack who says he has ADD. He was tested before and told he didn't have it. I guess he "caught" it from someone? At any rate, this makes it easy for his parents. He has a problem, an illness, a flaw, so they don't have to take responsibility for his problem. They aren't owning it. They have an excuse now and they can lose the guilt. Very convenient. Unless I am wrong, and the "meds" they give him will make him come home and focus on his homework rather than his normal 24/7 tv and video game activities. They will have to learn the hard way, but it is much easier to train an 8th grader than a 19 year old.
Glad he isn't my kid.
At any rate, with weight loss, which I have been very successful with, owning it is making a difference this time. I am not allowing any excuses in. No rationalizing this is because I had a wacky crazy mom. Everyone has a wacky crazy mom who ruined their life, including my own daughter. No more of that. It just enables me to do what I want because what is the point right? If your mom or whomever has caused you all this deep damage, why bother? They have set you up for failure. But ultimately that failure is years of my own patterns. Yes, I learned bad patterns from my mom. But I can change them. I can rewire them. But only if I own them first.